I’ve spent most of the day watching cable news and doomscrolling. I tweeted a lot. I cried. I watched my heart rate hover above 120 as I sat on the couch. Alternating between numb shock and furious anger.
I’m quite honestly a mess and I have no idea how I’ll say anything of substance given the trauma of the day. And I knew it was coming, not that that helped soften the blow.
To paraphrase Republican Liz Cheney, a violent mob assaulted the American capital as Congress did their constitutional duty. The President formed the mob, he incited the mob and he lit the flame.
I’ve been concerned that we would have violence in the streets around the election outcome for sometime. I have done my damndest to disavow Trump from the start, while holding fast to my libertarian, small government principles. Incitement has been a real concern since before Trump was even the nominee, but even with the warnings of people from across the spectrum of ideologies, it is still genuinely surreal to see it come to pass. Because deep down I really believed it can’t happen here, in America. The land of the free and the home of the brave. A great and free democracy that the world has looked to for inspiration for centuries.
Sure I was early in stating it was a possibility that Trump would bring our institutions to our knees. If I were writing this with citations I’d break out the time stamps. But I’m writing this in my bed, under the covers, and with a box of tissues next to me. Knowing and living it are very different experience.
We had a mob of raving mad insurrectionists storm a constitutionally mandated certification process. Even if you think irregularities happened (which I’ve seen no evidence of and remain convinced is largely a conspiracy theory and not the fun kind from Art Bell at 2am), taking the Capitol isn’t the path.
We have a legal system. We have representatives. We do not have any need to engage in violence. Americans have fought and died so we could have free fair elections without fear of violence. Seeing a mob of terrorists stop our election process was chilling. Literally. I’m fucking freezing as I tremble from dismay.
Obviously none of this is incisive political commentary. It’s barely coherent. It’s the emotional rambling of a woman who was born into a stable functioning democracy who believed it would be there for her entire life. Our system of government was a given for me. I believed in the American dream.
I’ve slowly watched that dream unravel for a pack of power obsessed grifters who only wish to self enrich.
I’ve watched as people equivocated and waffled over the dangers to our institutions.
I’ve listened to arguments on how it’s all worth it for the Supreme Court seats or the tax cuts.
And now all we’ve done is debase ourselves. It has come to this horrible moment. Where democracy was overrun in the heart of America.
I’m watching Mitch McConnel reconvene the Senate now. His speech is actually pretty good. I feel somewhat soothed. Except that he’s enabled the path that has led us here. He’s just as responsible as any. But I am comforted that there was a line.
But I don’t know at what cost. What cracks in the foundations may widen in future shocks. I’m too sad. Too angry. Perhaps even too afraid to calculate out future horrible possibilities. I’m sure many of you are feeling the same mix of emotions. To say that today was traumatic is an understatement. .
Take care of yourselves. Be with your loved ones. Be resilient. But remember it’s ok to be hurt.