Tag: Energy

Categories
Community Internet Culture

Day 956 and A Mood

It’s clearly the deep dog days of summer as I’m in a bit of a mood. I’ve got all kinds of things on my mind and yet it’s slow going executing on anything. The doldrums has certainly gripped me. And yet I take hope.

This corner of Twitter is going through a paroxysmal fit of whether it’s rational to be embracing pro-social behavior. Without having to cite all my sources we had Jane Goodall being packaged into a deceleration meme about removing a billion or so people.

And a guy named Roko was shocked that people might hope the golden rule is a universal ideal. And so a few of us jumped into a metaphorical blender for the good of the species.

So I think my entire mood when staring down the barrel of the future is “what’s it going to cost me in my soul?”

At this stage of the simulation I have to ask
What color are the pills, and how many people are dying?

The cost of knowing it’s not just about us is slamming into the hard reality that you can’t do a damn thing about other people. And so we have to ask if we preserve what we have or do we leap into the great unknown. I don’t know anyone who is in the mood for much safety at the moment. There doesn’t seem like much to be had.

Categories
Biohacking Chronic Disease

Day 953 and Sugar

If you’ve been following me for a while chances are good that you’ve seen me discuss my biohacking.

I’ve got an autoimmune condition called ankylosing spondylitis. It’s a form of arthritis in the spine. When it flares the inflammation can be so painful that basic tasks like walking or standing can be out of the question. It’s impacted my daily life in strange and sometimes sadly poignant ways.

Now thanks to the wonders of modern biologic injectables like interleukin inhibitors (my lucky number is IL-17h), non steroidal anti-inflammatories, the occasional round of chemotherapy workhorse methotrexate, and the ultimate big boss inflammation killer known as prednisone I lead a pretty normal life.

I am however always looking for new ways to improve my situation. You name a modality of healing and I’ve surely done it.

I’m regularly throwing myself at new pharmaceuticals, new workouts, new devices, and new routines. I track it all obsessively. If you want a 10 day water fast buddy call me.

This kind of thinking means I am prone to optimism and the occasional “one weird cure” line of thinking. The hope that springs eternal is the fantasy what ails can fixed with a gluten free diet (nope) or the du nude Goop wellmania cure which costs $500.

One of my biggest “I’ll be cured” fantasies is that the extra body fat I gained from multiple rounds of steroids and hormone treatments is actually the cause of my health problems and not one of its symptoms.

Notice they I don’t say biggest fears. My biometrics don’t really suggest that adipose tissue is my root issue. Being fat is a core problem for many people but for me it’s a symptom. I don’t want to disclose said biometrics as I fear insurance companies and pharmacies might decide to dig.

In pursuit of a cure for this symptom, I’ve been way ahead of the GLP-1 agonists like semaglutide. My Novo Nordisk and Eli Lily stockholdings are up 100%. I had success on Ozempic but went off it as the side effects got to be too much for me after nine months when I reached a healthy body weight.

But I recently I paid out of pocket to try Mounjaro as I’ve not happy with where I am currently at for excess adipose tissue. It’s supposed to be less brutal on the stomach. It’s got a duel mechanism as a GLP-1 and GIP receptor have lead to excellent clinical trial results.

I’d say about three weeks in those results for me are not forthcoming. I’ve been in a perpetual state of low grade anxiety that seems to be from hypoglycemia. I’ve been sluggish, cranky, moody and my mind unfocused and hazy.

As it turns out the glucose-dependent insulinotropic polypeptide receptor (GIP receptor) primarily affects the body’s physiological response to food intake and blood sugar regulation. So I’ve got low blood sugar.

Luckily throwing fruit at the problem helps the symptoms. I have not lost so much as an ounce though. I think I’d rather go back to Ozempic which at least took weight off. I’d rather have a fucked up stomach than a fucked up mind. Maybe other people need to eat less sugar. I guess I don’t have that problem.

Categories
Biohacking

Day 951 and Well Regulated

The more chaotic your circumstances, the more necessary you will find it to regulate your nervous system.

If you are nodding your head in agreement, you might appreciate more tools to cultivate calm. If so join myself and Jonny Miller tomorrow at 10am PST/1PM EST for a free session on how to integrate nervous system work into your startup.

If it’s not immediately obvious why you should care about your nervous system, let me give a brief primer. Stress is hard on your body. Hormones like cortisol can make you sick.

But did you know that we have a choice in how we react to stress? Between stimulus and response, there is freedom.

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by your circumstances? Maybe you’ve had the urge to simply shut down when life seemed like too much? Perhaps you’ve felt the desire to blow your top and scream instead?

These are classic stress responses. These are all states of a nervous system under pressure. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Your goal can be to move freely, flexibly and easily between different states of arousal and response as the stressors in your life come and go.

Founders of startups don’t always have a choice in how much stress is in our life. But we do have a choice in how we respond with our emotions and our physical body. We can maintain a well regulated nervous system even in a chaotic environment. If you want some simple tools that you can apply join myself at chaotic.capital and Jonny Miller tomorrow.

Categories
Biohacking Medical

Day 949 and Stomach Stuff

I was very excited for today. My first Monday with my new schedule after my “season of no” cleared the calendar.

I am into the day brimming with optimism. Naturally, it was only fair that I lost my entire day to some kind of stomach bug.

I am experimenting with a new GLP1 agonist and have found the side effects to be troublesome. I made an attempt to have a protein shake and it cascaded from there. So I don’t have much to say today except that my biohacking went awry so I’ve got little to say.

Instead I’ll recommend you go read my post from yesterday on assigning value. It’s some thoughts on alignment for artificial intelligence and the impossible task of being sure we all share the same idea of value.

Categories
Biohacking Politics

Day 946 and Compounding Our Incentives

I don’t want to brag (that’s a lie for rhetorical flourish I am bragging), but I woke up with excellent biometrics today. My first instinct was that I should rush into a long “to do” list for the various priorities I have remaining in the month.

And I do have some priorities I’m very excited about this month. If you are in Montana I’m hosting a get together to celebrate the “Montana Miracle” of the housing reform we successfully passed. Would love to have anyone near enough to Gallatin to pop by and meet me, my husband and our friends in person.

If you aren’t based here, you might be interested in our successful campaign cut out California style regulations so we can build more housing.

We think we can be a model for other western states looking to reclaim rights for their citizens from the government. I believe in individuals pursuing their own freedom as a long term incentive for growth.

The focus on long term incentives is key to understanding both my stance on individual freedoms and how I spend my own time.

Because I’ve got to turn this blog post around to why I was tempted to run into my immediate to do list but held myself to my routine.

I was reminded that my biometrics are good because I’ve been focused on core activities and processes that make my own “system” of incentives tick for my physiology.

I have to sleep, eat, exercise and otherwise take care of my body. If I simply responded to every dopamine hit and desire I had I’d be sick as a dog. I can promise you this is true as I live with a chronic condition I manage with good habits and some better living through chemistry.

I’d prefer we manage as many problems through good compounding longer term incentives. From building for a future that’s arriving to quickly to keeping our bodies from imploding. So get enough fiber, lift heavy things and build more housing.

Categories
Emotional Work Internet Culture Preparedness

Day 938 and Steady Till

I’ve been enjoying a bit of accelerationism in my own life. I’ve been pruning attention and refocusing myself and was rewarded with a lot of change. All of which feels good to me. I’m relieved to be happy now that I have steadier days.

It feels quite intense out there on social media. We are repeating big narratives and I encourage everyone to read up on past media fervors. I know my own nervous system can find it stressful to stay on top of every current event. I’m doing a free hour long cultivating calm session with Jonny Miller on August 10th at 11am MTN. I’d love for anyone interested in working with reactivity to join us.

I see how primed I am to reenact. found myself going through my usual storm preparedness routine. I don’t like facing a crisis without adequate resources so I’ve been known to restock inventory and clean house when the weather forecast looks bad

But I have the choice to have a steady till and my own hand will guide me on the course. If that requires nervous system work or grocery shopping. Or both. Or something entirely. Please do what you need to keep yourself steady in the storm.

Categories
Emotional Work

Day 936 and Take The Beating

I got my ass kicked yesterday. I made a decision that I knew would be disliked. I knew how unpopular the decision would make and that I would have to suffer the consequences. I did not bend on my decision despite knowing how much I would suffer for it. It was right for me. But damn it always sucks to take a beating.

I have taken my college cafeteria’s name as a law of the universe. TANSTAAFL. There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch. I know it’s a bit unfashionable to be a Hayek libertarian these days but I do think we have to accommodate some basic physics in life. Actions have reactions.

I had to take my beating. I made people hurt. And it’s entirely possible that we have different expectations and realities. As soon as I give my firm position on my reality and energy I can expect a response.

I think it’s genuinely healthy to feel like you have the capacity to endure criticism. Sometimes you can’t make people happy. Sometimes you’ve done something wrong. Sometimes it’s just that you couldn’t find an accommodation between what you gave the situation and what it gave you.

Life has a budget. There is a balance to the energy of the world. I suppose sometimes you just have to take your licks.

Categories
Chronicle Preparedness

Day 934 and Planning Ahead

I have been doing a short “season of no” over the last few weeks. I’m pruning my calendar and letting go of some projects, people and attention hogs. I’ve reoriented myself to obligations that give me as much as I give them.

The upside of saying no is that many obligations I’d assumed were set in stone are now blissfully gone. You can say no to more shit than you think as it turns out. I had a death in my extended family that provided me with clarity.

I do however feel as if it’s going to be hard to make plans too far out into the future for a while. A lot is happening and schisms in every community make it hard to see how some things could turn out. I’m keeping flexibility in my life so I can be mentally and physically prepared for rapidly changing conditions.

Especially as we come to grips with a world that is more chaotic, and a future that is less predictable, planning becomes the kind of exercise you hold gently. I’ve got goals and ambitions for the near term but I’ll play it as it lays.

Categories
Aesthetics

Day 930 and Quantity

I was very kindly tagged in a Twitter thread today with a lovely compliment about my daily writing habits. Does quantity have its own quality? As I close in on a thousand posts I think my answer is a strong “maybe!”

What are your favorite examples of “Quantity has a quality all its own?”
Examples:
@tylercowen writing a post a day, a column a month and a book a year for two decades
Kanye’s “5 beats a day for 3 summers”
Seinfeld’s “Don’t break the chain” one joke a day. Reply from Alan Simon @ almostmedia She’s not for everyone, but she’s been very dedicated and is approaching her 1,000th daily post.

One aspect of creation that is perhaps a bit understudied is just how much it is dominated by the truly prolific. The outliers practice a lot. Every single day I practice because I both enjoy it and I trust that doing a thing over time improves the thing. You can imagine how this predisposition makes me sympathetic to Calvinism.

I credit hippie parenting and the Waldorf curriculum. I was taught early on that it was good to make things even if you sucked at it. So I just spent a lot of my time sucking at creative endeavors and not finding it all that discouraging as I don’t mind being embarrassed.

So I suppose my quantity has demonstrated its own quality in its sheer persistence. Reminding yourself to do a daily practice has its benefits over time if you can stand it. Personally for me writing has always has a kind of blind optimism that has never been beaten out of me. I am a writer. I write. If it every becomes more than that I wouldn’t mind but I don’t need it to. The thing has been it’s own reward.

Categories
Medical

Day 928 and Season of No

I feel like I’ve been caught in a loop of shitty things that has me in a “fight or flight” pattern that I can’t find a way to release myself from.

I’m having a very “if it’s not one thing it’s a other” summer. And it has to stop here. If I don’t let it all go I’ll be miserable and it will have been my own choice. I’ve got a choice to prioritize the well being of myself and my family.

I’m writing this at the oral surgeon’s office as my husband’s wisdom teeth removal is today. I’ve been given several lectures on how challenging his recovery will be as he’s so much older than the ideal extraction age.

Teenagers have a lot better bounce back rates than even late thirty something apparently. Fingers crossed being fit and healthy counts for something.

I’m stressed by the prospect of prioritizing myself and family. I like being open and available to the universe.

So I’m just going to start saying no to more and more things until I feel like I’ve got myself out of this misery loop. My priorities will remain my family, my fund, my founders and myself. Probably not exactly in that order but pretty close.