Tag: Stress

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Biohacking Chronic Disease Emotional Work

Day 1708 and Calendaring Pareto Optimal Care on a Worsening Trajectory of Biometrics

I like to manage my days with buffers around my routines and obligations. I find tight schedules to be tiring and unhelpful as I manage my energy, pain, and workload. A packed calendar raises my cortisol.

I believe I am easily stressed by shouldering too much, but I also fear I am on a downward health trajectory which will require more time, energy and effort. I am beginning to contemplate reworking my style of effort management as conditions on the ground change. Can I schedule my way out of a spiral down? What is my Pareto optimal plan here?

My 2025 has been significantly worse than my 2024 and an almost entirely different realm of issues than I faced prior to that. As I compare, 2022 and 2023 were entirely different worlds than my 2025. I thought I was pretty sick then but improving my inflammatory markers has nuked my HRV & stamina.

I’m back to the bleak bottom quartile biometrics I had when I was first diagnosed with my complex chronic inflammatory diseases case.

I fear I never recovered from my two Covid cases including the one which eventually turned into a brutal pneumonia.

The stress of a permanently lowered baseline of biometrics makes me feel despair even as I have new tools at my disposal to mitigate them.

Will my whole life be dedicated to the care and feeding of my broken body? Is that something I can live for instead of simply living with?

I just don’t know how much effort will be put into managing this new baseline and what the effort to reward ratio looks.

Is there a Pareto principle I can apply to permanent disability which I can, and maybe even should, emotionally accept? Or do I soldier on hoping that my middle aged body may repair itself if I do absolutely everything right? And what am I doing all of that for?

It just seems as if no matter the time management, advanced medical care, constant research and daily effort I only get worse. I’ve been under a scalpel three times this year.

Each time I think I have found a new drug or treatment modality I am quickly slapped with second order side effects. And then those side effects have new side effects as I treat them.

It’s the pimp my ride recursion of biohacking, but instead of liking a thing and adding it to my car, I’m adding more and more mitigation measures to manage the results of the biohacking.

Pimp my biohacking

Now I have a new load of emotional stress and grief weighing on me as father died this weekend. I don’t even know what that process will look like, especially given the challenging modern family situation I have.

Any positive aspects of my year (passing the right to compute bill into law, progress in my startup portfolio) seems pale in contrast to emergency surgery, slow burdensome recovery and the arrival of mortality. I’m only at the halfway point of life (and a little bit past that for the year) and I feel done in completely.

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Chronic Disease Emotional Work

Day 1706 and Leaving It In The Past

I’ve got my over the ear noise canceling headphones on playing a Solfeggio frequencies of 396 Hz which is labled as “liberating guilt and fear” on my Endel mobile application (which I recommend though I’m not involved with it).

I am doing breathing exercises with these tunes playing in the background. I have a routine of hyper stimulation autonomic exercises I do when I am in times of physical and emotional stress.

My father died this weekend. While I had been preparing for the possibility for sometime the reality of the moment is never what you expect.

Grief is a strange emotion. You forgive your parents but they don’t always forgive themselves. And then it’s over and everyone is free. The pain is over and the past arrived and your present is without them.

The past becomes a foreign country and you don’t speak the language and as you become middle aged you see your life reworked through success and failure and the hard costs which your ego previously obscured like too much greasepaint.

It is maudlin to stay in grief but if we do not let go of the past we will project past pains and old understandings of reality onto others that do nothing but harm.

It’s a beautiful thing to watch these huge emotions play out in your life. Death offers grand dramas when all you can offer is having built a future on the foundation they gave you.

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Emotional Work

Day 1704 and At A Loss

Some days are harder to write through than others. Yesterday I found out my father had passed. I didn’t say anything as I wasn’t sure what would happen next.

I didn’t know who else knew or if others were being alerted so I didn’t discuss it. The last thing I wanted was to disclose something inadvertently as the rest of the family found out. I loved my father very much. We had a complicated family but I didn’t doubt that love.

I learned of his passing as my brother received a voice message in the middle of the night from my father’s wife. He called me immediately when he woke up and had listened to it.

There wasn’t much information in the voicemail but there is a certain logic to the phone tree of death when a family member passes. My brother called his mother after he called me. I called my mother. That was the end of our tree.

I did not get a phone call or other information but my brother has and it is likely I will remain at a loss for words as to how to consider my feelings about all of this. I can speak about it as I know that the parties concerned all know but what to say is beyond me.

The complexity of the social contract and our expectations of family ties has been ongoing for several generations now. Divorce and remarriage have been common in my living memory and the blending of families the norm. Sometimes it’s beautiful. Sometimes it’s not.

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Emotional Work

Day 1703 and Termination Shock

I have had a shock that is in reality not a surprise. The inevitable and the most surprising thing coincide rather often I’ve found. I imagine shock is as means reverting a phenomena as any.

All things are inevitable in hindsight. One can greet something as inchoate and far reaching as the Fourth Turning and still be a bit surprised to find it applying to you.

I believe we are about to find out a lot about our social contract soon. How the tensile strength of relationships hold under personal and national and global stress. If we are accelerating then any frictions on that process are going to sizzle and snap.

There is freedom to be had in future shock. Knowing you are repeating history and doing what you can to break the worst of it. Knowing no one can do any thing. That ultimately all any one of us can do is what we personally can do. She done what she could.

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Medical

Day 1697 and Gut Brain Axis Misery Meets Peptide Season

It would seem I found an antibiotic that disagrees with me. As the tail end of my soft tissue recovery from my abscess surgery and deep tissue infection appears in sight I had a setback with an additional antibiotic.

Cephalexin was one of the top choices on the pathology report from the hospital and recommended as a first line treatment by the surgeon, several artificial intelligence differential diagnostic secondary checks and my primary care doctor.

They did not prescribe it first and I found out why yesterday when I felt as if I’d hurt a shoulder ligament doing, of all things, tai chi. I was despondent over it (ironically another side effect). The gut-brain axis gets weird when you kill off bad microflora.

So yeah not the antibiotic for me. As it turns out we recently learned it’s associated with tendon rupture. Not quite as bad as the other more infamous Cipro. Which ironically I was on with no issues. But Cephalexin has got some risks to tendons and ligaments too.

Being on an immune suppressant (an IL-17 called Bimzelx) for ankylosing spondylitis and psoriatic arthritis has improved a number of biomarkers but also made me susceptible to skin infections. Like the kind that require slicing. Not fun.

Now in the wake of the deep tissue infection, we had a systemic MSSA problem. It was entirely rational to nuke that thing from orbit. Any resurgence needs maximum force to prevent chances for regrowth. You simply have to to be very watchful for side effects in all things now.

I feel like I’m in some awful healthcare version of pimp my ride. Pimp my diagnosis?

“So I heard you had side effects so I gave you a side effect for that side effect.“

And so I’ve been sent down the peptide rabbit hole to see if that might help with tissue healing. My shoulder is probably fine as I stopped quite quickly but a reminder that I need to be watchful of what I’m taking and experiment carefully.

Naturally I’m already considering my risk profile carefully but as it’s peptide season in Silicon Valley (who isn’t on at least a micro dose of a next generation GLP-1 agonist or some new fangled GIP.

Why not add some more to the mix? Strong tissues and lean mass being protective against many a problem. Behold a little Grok breakdown of what I was recommended.

GHK-Cu (Copper Peptide)

GHK-Cu is a naturally occurring tripeptide (glycyl-L-histidyl-L-lysine) that binds to copper ions, forming a complex that plays a role in tissue repair and regeneration. Its mechanism in tendon healing involves several key processes:

  • Collagen and Extracellular Matrix Synthesis: GHK-Cu directly acts on fibroblasts (cells responsible for producing connective tissue) by increasing the production of mRNA and proteins for collagen (types I and III), elastin, proteoglycans, glycosaminoglycans, and decorin. This enhances the structural integrity of tendons during repair. Sources Sources
  • Angiogenesis and Nerve Outgrowth: It stimulates the growth of blood vessels (angiogenesis) and nerves, improving nutrient delivery and innervation to the healing site, which accelerates wound contraction and tissue remodeling. Sources
  • Anti-Inflammatory and Antioxidant Effects: GHK-Cu blocks the release of tissue-damaging free iron from ferritin channels, reducing oxidative stress and lipid peroxidation after injury. It also modulates inflammation to create a favorable environment for healing. Sources Sources
  • Systemic Effects: When administered, it can enhance healing systemically, even if injected away from the injury site, by regulating copper-dependent enzymes involved in cell growth and repair.

Research, primarily from animal models and in vitro studies, suggests these actions lead to faster tendon recovery, but human clinical trials are limited, and it’s not FDA-approved for therapeutic use.

TB-500 (Thymosin Beta-4 Fragment)

TB-500 is a synthetic peptide derived from thymosin beta-4, a protein involved in actin regulation. It primarily aids tendon healing by promoting cellular mobility and regeneration:

  • Actin Upregulation and Cell Migration: TB-500 binds to actin, a key protein in cell structure, enhancing cell migration (chemotaxis) and proliferation. This allows fibroblasts and other repair cells to quickly move to the injury site, accelerating tissue repair. Sources
  • Angiogenesis: It stimulates the formation of new blood vessels, improving blood flow and oxygen delivery to damaged tendons, which supports faster healing.
  • Anti-Inflammatory and Antifibrotic Properties: TB-500 modulates inflammation by reducing pro-inflammatory cytokines and preventing excessive fibrosis (scar tissue formation), creating a balanced healing environment.
  • Tissue Regeneration: In animal studies, it promotes overall wound healing and tissue regeneration, though evidence for tendon-specific effects in humans is anecdotal and lacks robust clinical data.

TB-500’s effects are mostly observed in preclinical research, with potential for muscle, tendon, and ligament repair, but it’s not approved for human use and carries risks.

BPC-157 (Body Protective Compound-157)

BPC-157 is a synthetic pentadecapeptide derived from a gastric protein, known for its protective and regenerative effects on various tissues, including tendons:

  • Fibroblast Activation and Migration: It promotes the outgrowth, survival, and migration of tendon fibroblasts under stress, enhancing cell proliferation and tendon explant growth in vitro.
  • Growth Hormone Receptor Upregulation: BPC-157 dose-dependently increases the expression of growth hormone receptors in tendon fibroblasts at both mRNA and protein levels, facilitating anabolic processes for tissue repair. 19 14
  • Angiogenesis via VEGFR2 Pathway: It activates vascular endothelial growth factor receptor 2 (VEGFR2), leading to the VEGFR2-Akt-eNOS signaling pathway, which promotes new blood vessel formation and improves nutrient supply to healing tendons. 22
  • FAK-Paxillin Pathway and Anti-Inflammatory Effects: BPC-157 activates focal adhesion kinase (FAK) and paxillin, proteins that regulate cell adhesion and motility, while also exerting protective effects against inflammation and organ damage. 24 25 20
  • Overall Tissue Protection: It accelerates post-injury healing in muscles, tendons, and ligaments, restoring function similar to uninjured tissue in animal models. 27 26

Extensive animal studies support BPC-157’s role in tendon and ligament recovery, but human evidence is limited to anecdotal reports, and it’s not FDA-approved, with potential unknown side effects.

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Biohacking Chronic Disease Medical

Day 1694 and Every Last Bacteria

It’s been a strange summer. It has been 41 days since I had surgery to drain an abscess that has become a deep tissue infection.

American medicine failed me but Istanbul has excellent medical if you are motivated enough to travel to fix intractable problems. And I most surely am motivated.

Add in the daily guidance of consumer grade LLMs taking input from myself and my family doctor and I managed a pretty miraculous recovery. Yes the bots are friendly but my physician agrees. It’s a very successful clinical outcome.

That’s Perplexity if you are curious. I like their mobile application and model choice options. Though pity any poor hacker who gets in as they are going to see some gnarly pictures if they make that bad decision.

Alas I am noticing the folliculitis troubles flaring again just as I’ve begun a fitness recovery protocol. Which you will notice in the image if you read the above image closely.

Alas progress is never a straight line. The flare up is bad enough I’ve opted to start another round of antibiotics (my fifth in this process) so any remaining bugs of the MSSA varietal cannot manage any retrenchment.

I’m showering with the scrub up washes surgeons use, I’m swabbing my nasal cavities with muciprin, and I’ll do a Cephalexin course.

Having fully passed through the onboarding loading dose regimen of Bimzelx with significant side effects, I need to see if it stabilizes. All this suffering will be for nothing if I give up now. But I must get to a place where I’m not constantly fighting infection and it can maintain lower inflammatory biomarkers. How this goes is anyone’s guess.

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Chronic Disease Medical

Day 1692 and Your Wellness Isn’t A Demonstration of Moral Integrity

I am enjoying the adaptive training program prompt managed by an artificial intelligence which I’ve amended around my chronic health conditions as well as my considerable slate of biometrics.

I’ve been using it for a week now as I needed a recovery plan for the fitness losses that came with a month of bed rest recovery after my surgery in July.

Not to suggest I was in terrific shape before the surgery as it discovered a deep tissue infection that went so deep and so rogue I’d likely been suffering from it for sometime despite my attempts at preventative care.

It’s upsetting seeing your resting heart rate go from mid 80s to mid 60s. Realizing your high resting heart rate isn’t because you are a lazy fattybombalatty who doesn’t do enough cardio (real thing a physical therapist has said to me) but because you have a chronic deep tissue antibiotic resistant bacterial infection. Ain’t chronic disease a trip?

Anyways, I’m healing and trying not to overdo things in the process as I’m a bit stupid when it comes to wellness. More is always better has been my mental orientation for much of my life and it’s a hard habit to kick.

Workaholics Anonymous needs a subgroup for those of us who can find ways to over do literally everything. And I do mean everything. I did a stretching and mobility routine last night that had my heart rate at 150BPM doing seated spinal twists. Did I stop? Nope. I finished the 30 minute program. My adaptive training programs response?

Complete rest – no negotiations

And who am I to negotiate with an AI who has no emotions involved in the process of putting together a recovery training regimen. It’s not going to moralize at me.

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Biohacking Chronic Disease Medical

Day 1688 and Deciding What To Outsource to Artificial Intelligence for Health and Wellness

One of my Twitter mutuals recently published an artificial intelligence prompt for making an adaptive fitness coach which works inside any of the major large models.

Having recently been saved from going septic and a gnarly deep tissue infection thanks to clever diagnostics from the commercial chatbots I am considering what else they might be able to help me along with in my day to day.

Being failed rather regularly by doctors over a decade of chronic illnesses has made me skeptical of the institutions in American medicine. But having one doctor (a dermatologist) miss a glaringly obvious differential really shook me.

Her dismissal of the details and particulars wasn’t malice, but a function of the systemic inability to put enough attention on the details of the person in front of her. Attention really was all she needed ironically.

I’m sure she didn’t set out to be that kind of doctor, I’d bet she hates that it’s all 90 second visits and Medicare coding and making money for the private equity group who owns the clinic. I feel for her. She surely wants to get back to doctoring.

No one can spot every detail and retain the complexities of every case. Especially one like mine. But a computer has a much better shot at mimicking Dr House than I do at finding a Dr House for myself. And it certainly has a better chance than someone who let the system dominate them into breezing over the details.

So I am using my mutual’s prompt to see if I can outsource a very slow and adaptive return to fitness after my month off from exercise to recover from surgery. I like what I’m seeing from all models that I’ve tried it on but I imagine I’ll have all the same “me” problems with overdoing it and pushing too hard. But who knows, maybe this aspect of wellness is better handled by machine than by me.

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Biohacking Medical

Day 1686 and Immature Collegen Fibers

One of the most unsettling aspects of having a deep tissue infection surgically removed is watching the hole fill itself back in from the bottom up. It doesn’t look like normal tissue as it regrows.

When deep tissue wounds heal from the bottom up, the new dermal tissue appears white because it consists of immature collagen fibers and lacks proper vascularization during the initial stages of repair. Via Perplexity

I happen to take a collagen supplement which is looks like tiny little white balls in a capsule. Collagen is a hot aesthetic supplement for making your hair and nails grow but it benefits your fascia as well. It’s a popular supplement with biotin for overall health of one’s tissues.

I am aware of a number trends in the space to generate and promote the growth of collagen as I happen to follow the arc of Korean plastic surgery as it led to many successful cosmetic products. Collegen became popular in America through aesthetic practices and social media.

And yet with working in cosmetics and taking it as a supplement I hadn’t ever experienced a chunk of tissue growing back personally. It’s all been, well, literally cosmetics. And now it’s growing back and it’s really anything but attractive.

I am also concurrently bringing a hyperbaric chamber to Montana so we can do hyperbaric oxygen therapy protocols for ourselves and for the community. I am interested in their benefits for chronic issues but they have also proven themselves in the treatments of skincare wounds in diabetic and burn patients.

Ironic that I should have immature collagen fibers lacking vascularization at this moment and will soon have access to state of the art treatment for it but I have to heal this one the old fashioned way.

It’s my hope that we are going to improve our treatments for chronic issues in the future but in the here and now my acute issue is being handled the old fashioned way with lots of care and research and rest.

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Travel

Day 1681 and Going On Vacation Mode

In discussing with our cadre of friends taking time off this week we all realize it had been many varying years where we had multiple days in a row, in the same place, with nothing planned.

We’ve got that time off ahead of us so we’ve been discussing the ways we trick our bodies into accepting emotional decompression and physical relaxation.

For me it’s a playlist and a certain kind of pulpy paperwork. For others it’s a Mexican beer in the sand, another a meandering walk though a hotel property looking at all the options for lounging.

Bouncing from one hotel to another can be a lot of fun then you are driving. A new novelty is over every range and the switch road back slowly brings you to something magical.

Sightseeing and activities have their own merit. I am always asking to see ruins and museums. Some folks are foodies. Others like nightlife.

But we’ve got a few days of staying in the same place ahead of us and any desire to seek novelty is entire up to us. I’d post some pictures from the travel but I prefer to do that afterwards. Just as a precaution even as I share so much.

As we transit desert scrub looming above us in mountain terrain, we are riding high over sea level as we gain and lose altitude. From that vantage we see coastal towns and mountain set backs. From sea to sky on one set of switchbacks.

The car sickness makes an enjoyable roller coaster of views and the focus on the ride helps you avoid the annoyance of slow traffic. A little sick and a little scared and a little excited. A layered set of feelings for going on vacation mode.