Tag: Stress

Categories
Preparedness Startups

Day 1419 and Know A Guy

Running a startup, for all its supposed glamour, is mostly an exercise in learning how little you know.

Sure there are playbooks for some of what you will do. As the technology industry has grown and startups have become an appealing career choice we’ve filled out how-to guides for everything from fundraising to operations.

Alas all advice is specific to the giver’s experience and untangling biases to make advice relevant to your specific needs is quite hard. That’s where it helps to have more experienced operators on hand to call bullshit.

At chaotic.capital we pride ourselves on being investors who “have a guy” for even the most esoteric possible requests. Playbooks can only you so far when you need an expert.

Just in the last two days we’ve worked through how one hires a chief of staff, what to do when letting go of counsel who made a mistake, installing appropriate security procedures for digital footprints, and the resale brokers for a rare commodity.

We like to problem solve and the weirder the problem the more fun it can be. Removing obstacles and clearing bottlenecks is satisfying work. And knowing guy who knows a guy is a heck of a fun game of social geography.

Categories
Emotional Work

Day 1414 and Signs

I’ve been a bit Delphic in tone over the last week. I’m relieved but also distracting myself with shopping, reading and health projects.

My natural optimism is looking for the positive. If you go in for numerology 14 is a good number for the moment as 1 represents independence, leadership and change while 4 is stability and balance.

The world is shifting but my path is clear in front of me. We may be on a chaotic course but the adaption brings us new opportunities. I’ll just do my best to get enough sleep when things get exciting

Categories
Emotional Work Politics

Day 1412 and Re-Centering

I am going to keep today short as it’s been an interesting week for everyone in America and I’m trying to get my body and mind right.

I was running a fever which seemed appropriate as the markets ran. We’ve been running experiments with red lights. I wish I had data to present (the setup may help others) but perhaps I need some better sleep to compound a bit before seeing improvements.

The relief I felt at the election being settled decisively has turned into a hard knot of unprocessed emotions about the way forward m. Maybe more of us will learn that liberal guilt isn’t terribly useful to anyone but it’s hard to hear lamentations when there is nothing you can do to help.

Many of the decisions we made as a family over the last four years are being rewarded. The revealed preferences we telegraphed loudly now show our commitment to running ahead of consensus.

I don’t just feel as if we are on the mark with our peers. I feel as if we are running ahead and have the freedom and space like never before. I won’t let myself be knocked off balance by life happening. We’ve been compounding our plans for years.

Categories
Medical Politics

Day 1411 and Fever Dreams

I’m not quite sure how I got a bug but I seem to be running a fever. It’s possible it’s passing and I’m on the mend but I still feel a little “delulu” as the kids says.

I was taking a constitutional walk Saturday after eating and my heart rate spiked to 180bpm. I wasn’t exerting myself in a way that would normally bring it above 90.

I have a habit of walking after meals as I feel it aids digesting. Nothing intense as it’s more of a habit than exercise. So I was surprised to find myself getting faint. I found myself on the ground.

I don’t take it particularly seriously. I blamed PMS and the stress of the last two weeks. But then I got a terrible night of sleep and my Whoop score matched how I felt.

I spent Sunday faffing about on the internet as watching reality television. I was definitely sick. What else was there to do but shitpoast and watch the price of Bitcoin go up.

Now that felt like a fever dream. If you are a crypto true believer you have experienced more than a few boom and bust cycles. Holding on tight is part of the game.

I suspect that we are in for more of a ride and I was not one to get too ahead in other bull runs. But I did let myself buy a bunch of cosmetics so I’d look for a recovery in LVMH stock if there are enough women who hold Bitcoin.

Categories
Politics

Day 1406 and Relief

I am so relieved to have the American presidential election wrapped up within just one day. I didn’t think we’d be so lucky to have things decided so quickly.

I was emotionally prepared for a long interregnum with bitter fighting over a slim margin of votes. I remember both 2000 and 2020 and neither hanging chads nor storming chads were pleasant experiences.

I did my normal natural disaster preparation routine of stocking groceries, doing laundry, and washing up. In preparedness communities, we always recommend facing a storm with clean clothes.

But it seemed pretty clear where we were headed last night around 11pm on the west coast when I went to bed. I woke up to the election having been called. Blessedly the margin was so clear a concession speech was soon in order.

I’m not much of a partisan as libertarians are America’s classic independents. I’ve voted for Democrats and I registered as a Republican in Colorado before settling on simply calling myself an independent here in Montana. I spend time on each race, candidate and ballot initiative. I ticket split. I believe in free people and free markets.

I was asked if this election outcome was good or bad for business. I responded that “decided” is good for business. Private industry can manage if it knows the rules of the road.

Now we know where things stand. If you follow financial news you saw the jubilance in the markets. Maybe the interregnum was actually the the campaign season. Either way we’ve got more direction on where we are headed and that means we can act with more confidence.

Categories
Culture Politics

Day 1404 and Once More Unto the Breach

We have arrived at Election Eve in America. It’s a bit tense online and in the media, but there is a palpable feeling of relief that the day is finally upon us.

That relief dissipates as rapidly as morning mist on a sunny day as the one contemplates the range of possibilities. No one has any idea how things will turn out even the most informed political analysts.

As we go to the ballot tomorrow I’ve got a William Shakespeare’s play Henry V on my mind as I rally myself to the effort. We’ve sacrificed so much to arrive at this moment as a nation.

Once more unto the breach!

The moral burden weighing on Henry seems an apt metaphor for the burden of self governance placed on Americans.

As Henry walked among his men to find out what they really thought of his leadership so too we wander social media in hopes of understanding our fellow citizens. What do they think? Will be come together?

I’ll admit much of my interest in Shakespeare comes not from any particular love of the Bard (schooling forces it upon you which can sour a child) but from my exposure the most memorable speeches reinterpreted in popular culture.

When I looked for a synopsis of the above famous line from Act 3, Scene 1 perplexityAI enjoyable suggested follow up search for Shakespeare references in Star Trek. From the Wrath of Khan to Captain Picard there are many references.

Culture is beautiful like that. The stories we tell ourselves are rewritten endlessly as we live through our own history. What might we gain or lose tomorrow? Will it be just? Will our decisions lead to wars or resolve us to peace? No one knows. And yet once more to the ballot we go.

Categories
Politics

Day 1403 and Some Legible Political Opinions

If you asked 2016 Julie for her political opinions I’d have no problem going into depth on my dislike of government interference, my commitment to free trade and belief in American competitiveness.

I was open about my willingness to support Hillary Clinton on those grounds. If you asked 2020 Julie you’d have gotten a similar answer probably with an additional set of concerns around immigration reform as it became more challenging to get visas for talented international workers.

2024 Julie still dislikes government interference, believes in free trade and Americans competitiveness. I like American Dynamism and nascent efforts to reindustrialize as well as efforts to secure Freedom to Compute and Little Tech.

But I am fearful we have an elite class who either can’t or won’t do a damn thing. The immigration issue has become almost shockingly worse. We’ve arrived in a bizarro world place where legal immigration has become functionally impossible. I’ve been working on a single visa for almost the entirety of the Biden administration.

Even more perversely by trying to make our system more humane the Biden administration has allowed in only the most desperate border crossers and asylum seekers who have no other choice but to try their hand at illegal pathways.

I do not feel as if we have any representation on the ballot for anyone serious about fixing this issue. It’s a choice between hostility and incompetence.

I feeling shakier on our capacity to be exceptional because our politicians either can’t or won’t commit to reform. And that’s not through any fault of the American people.

I believe in American exceptionalism. If we could get Washington D.C. to prioritize solutions over partisan infighting there would be no way anyone could bet against America. 2024 Julie is unsure of my vote even down to the wire. I’m sure that’s too legible to please anyone.

Categories
Biohacking

Day 1401 and Detox

I’m sure many a doctoral thesis has been written on the obsession with bodily purity and eternal search to rid oneself of toxins.

I’m not an academic but I was on the original Goop team in the far distant past when I worked for legendary adman Peter Arnell. So I’ve had a lot of exposure to particular purity culture that is modern consumer culture detoxing.

While I had hippie experiences with detoxification and also real ones like mercury chelation (which is a fun story), nothing is as intense as rich white women detoxing. From herbals to enemas to fasts you have a lot of choice.

I am all for the woo woo. The aspiration that if one just exercised enough control over oneself that all ailments could be cured is alluring. It’s also fucked up. Bodies are notoriously difficult to control and medicine is littered with mysterious ailments afflicting saints and sinners.

Alas I’m still tempted by this philosophy. I spent four days in Miami and I feel like a bunch of expensive detoxification treatments would be just the ticket. I’ll probably just sleep it off though.

Categories
Culture

Day 1399 and Mimetic Competition

Opting into someone else’s personal metrics is a misery. When you dump a group of powerful or influential groups with adjacent but not aligned values you find status competition with in-group and inter-group.

I find this to be a little bit of a breach of decorum. People who pursue different goals don’t want other people’s rules applied to them.

So you find fearful politeness if you are unsure of inter-group norms. Everyone is interesting but not everyone has the same incentive sets or motivation.

The harder it is to feel safe within your in-group the less openness you will have with outsiders. Finding a way to ease the competitions for status only improves relationships between the allied groups. Find what you value and value the people who share those values.

Categories
Emotional Work Startups

Day 1398 and Overstimulated Nerds

Introverts don’t do well with social overstimulation. Any time I attend a gathering where the majority demographic is nerdy, weird, and autistic I find myself feeling the collective vibes of the overstimulated. And it’s not always good vibes for many of them.

I am doing everything I can to take care of myself, be kind to others and still be gently socializing. But it’s not easy.

I’m exhausted from the effort, even with my attempts to practice productive habits like nervous system exercises and getting adequate sleep. No amount of supplements can fend off a collective sense of fear.

I always notice what a rude demographic we introverts can be in these circumstances. Everyone is doing their best to be present and do delicate dances of parasociality where you know each other from the internet but do not wish to intrude or interrupt someone doing business.

In the cases where you are socializing with friends in real life and the rest of a group “knows of” but doesn’t know actually someone you find yourself surrounded by defensive social postures. Plus-ones with little contribute make it even worse.

And I’m not even going to touch the social dynamics of status. Insecurity seems to run rampant in all human groups, but nerds who have known social precariousness are the worst offenders in these situations.

Fear over one’s place within a group that has a wide variance in status can be intense. I don’t like seeing anyone feel left out. I like to be welcoming to everyone I encounter. Even when I’m an overstimulated introvert.

It’s especially important to me to be nice when it’s a group where the capital that provides status (social, literal) rises to celebrity or billionaire.

It can feel paralyzing to interact with anyone who has some degree of status if you don’t want to make someone uncomfortable. The awareness of social graces isn’t always enough.

It’s just as likely that someone will put on airs and over estimate their status as they are to offend the actually important guests.

I dislike watching people police their own social status but it’s even worse when someone polices the status of their friends. It creates cliques and ostracism in the best cases. Cutting off access can help when someone is just an overstimulated introvert but in practice makes the entire environment more fearful.

These social fears can really gum up the works when it’s nerds concerned over their own place within an event let alone in society.

I feel pity in the most awkward of cases but it’s really born of sadness. Cool is a bit like grace. We do little to deserve its bounty, grasping at it only shows our hubris and it doesn’t work in any case. I wonder if that’s a heretical opinion.