I slept rather poorly last night. I get anxious before medical appointments. Interfacing with America’s medical system can range from merely uncomfortable to actively hostile so I suppose some heightened vigilance isn’t irrational.
I really yearn for an uptick in qualitative metrics I associate with higher quality of life like energy for my favorite physical activities (weightlifting and hiking). The fatigue and stress from the pain, and downstream side effects are constant reminders of poor health.
So I am looking for improvements in basic markers like my CRP and Sed Rate as those inflammatory markers should coincide with the qualitative improvements.
I’ve got my over the ear noise canceling headphones on playing a Solfeggio frequencies of 396 Hz which is labled as “liberating guilt and fear” on my Endel mobile application (which I recommend though I’m not involved with it).
My father died this weekend. While I had been preparing for the possibility for sometime the reality of the moment is never what you expect.
Grief is a strange emotion. You forgive your parents but they don’t always forgive themselves. And then it’s over and everyone is free. The pain is over and the past arrived and your present is without them.
The past becomes a foreign country and you don’t speak the language and as you become middle aged you see your life reworked through success and failure and the hard costs which your ego previously obscured like too much greasepaint.
It is maudlin to stay in grief but if we do not let go of the past we will project past pains and old understandings of reality onto others that do nothing but harm.
It’s a beautiful thing to watch these huge emotions play out in your life. Death offers grand dramas when all you can offer is having built a future on the foundation they gave you.
I’ve had several day’s worth of poor sleep. My sleep debt had reached a good full night’s of rest at over 9 hours. And boy did I make it up and then some last night.
A screenshot of my Whoop’s recovery page
I wasn’t asleep all of those 15 hours according to both Whoop and Apple but it sure felt like I was in deep slumber.
With earplugs and an eye mask in, I felt dead to the world. And what’s worse is I’ve had an entire month of pooor recovery and sleep
The 4th of July is now my independence from a month of poor biometrics
Now on July 4th I have been liberated from a long month of poor biometrics and awful recovery scores. And it only took 15 hours of being in a dark cold hotel room and a build up stress, exhaustion, mistreatment and other sundry social frustrations.
Mixing more strain than recovery into my Whoop cocktail for maximum life
Today really does feel like Independence Day for me. I’ve been freed from a body weighed down by physical realities and I am now free from it.
His writing captures something in my imagination with turns of phrase like “the longest stride of soul we ever took” evoking a crossing to the harsh wakefulness of reality. And as he says “it takes so many years to wake, but will you wake for pity’s sake?”
I have been slumbering in both reality and in the metaphorical ties that bound me to others. And today is the day where all Americans ponder how our founding fathers contemplated the reality of waking to the dawn of a new experiment. The American experiment continues and we must remain awake to our role within it. I have many thoughts on this which may now soon flow having awoken from quite a sleep indeed.
All my health apps think I’m dying. Which like no duh guys I’m an avid biohacker because I’ve got some health challenges. This is a persistent issue across most tracker apps but a compelling example is the Gyroscope app which relies on a health score system. Because I have a high resting heart rate due to chronic pain from ankylosing spondylitis I get served persistent alerts like the one below. “Warning you are more likely to get sick right now”
Of course, the issue is if you are always getting flashing red lights your inclination to do anything goes down. It’s the “boy who cried Wolf” problem. If I’m always being told I’m more likely to be sick now why would I ever modify my behavior to try and improve things? It’s always “now” so there is no point in doing anything to make a better future.
We see this problem across so many areas where our future selves would benefit from our present selves being more responsible, from personal finance to weight loss. If everything sucks now and nothing we do seems like it will improve the situation by a meaningful margin why bother?
App designers need to take note of this tendency of despair based on the gap between short behavior loops and long term goals. Nudging us towards improvements required positive reinforcement that rewards us for who we are now even as it seeks to compound the positive effects for significant change over time for a future outcome. If you’ve got 50lbs to lose you need to be rewarded for each small decision that helps you lose your unwanted weight, not be told everyday by an app that you are at risk of disease.
Overwhelming human minds with the enormity of a goal or a gap between our current stare and our long term goals doesn’t lead to positive short term behavior. If it did we would have solved climate change and racism by now. If we think a problem is within our power to solve we will try but fuck it why bother if it’s a parade of impossible scenarios.
If you are designing systems for people that need to make changes keep in mind this gap. You will see better results and happier humans if you lay off the doom and gloom. Positive reinforcement works.
